me.

You know. 

I’m not super smart aka never will become a doctor or lawyer

I’m not that pretty aka not going to be a model

I’m not good at singing. singing is out.

I can’t draw. or super crafty.

I don’t know how to dance. not going to be Chachi’s friend.

Not good at acting. there goes becoming an actress.

I can’t speak Korean that well. or English for that matter.

I have no hidden talent or any talent. 

I’m just an ordinary person that loves God.

and that my friend,

makes me an extraordinary person. because I love an extraordinary God. 

and thats good enough for me. 

change

Something is different. 

idk if anyone else noticed. or maybe its just me. but something is different.

I’m completely MIA. but whats different is that I don’t have the desires to see anyone anymore. 

I stopped doing QT. It doesn’t even cross my mind.

but I haven’t stopped praying. Talking to Him.

I haven’t had a real deep conversation with someone in a while it seems.

a conversation where rivers don’t divide us

lets be honest.

I have this wall. blocking everyone. and I like it. i really do.

its been built up by many things. and now. its as high as the walls of Jericho 

so… what now.

the struggle. In need of prayer

$200,000

thats how much my family borrowed in loans

and thats not including my school loans.

parents bought a market, having a consist cash flow now

but in return, they both work 17 hours each day. no breaks.

both parents are sick now…

they want to do this for 3/4 more years.

I’m worried for them.

I’m glad I’m ending school soon and moving out.

So I am no longer a burden.

Please pray for my family. 

can’t wait.

3 months and 19 days till fall quarter

2 years till I graduate.

so many people told me to stay young and not be in a hurry to grow up.

that there is nothing great about being old

maybe they had an awesome young adulthood.

exploring the world.

making their own decisions

trying new things.

Learning from their mistakes

being adventurous and carefree


it does sound awesome. no wonder so many people want to stay young and not grow up.sucks though because I won’t get to fully experience that until I’m all grown up.
what everyone says is amazing about being young. I’ll finally get to experience when I’m old.
thats why I can’t wait to grow up
I’m motivated to finish school early with good grades.
Sure struggles will change when I grow up and maybe become bigger. but I’ll be able to breath and live my life the way I want to live it. The way God wants me to live.
A privilege I’ve been dying to have.

for now. until then. I have learned to worship the Lord with all my heart and soul and mind
happily within the prison cell.



_suffocated

a week is way too long.

excited to be heading back.

maybe i should have gone out of state.

Happy birthday.

Happy belated birthday 아빠. It was three days ago. I didn’t forget. But I’m sorry i couldn’t tell you.

I hope you’re doing well.

See you soon.

_listen

It bothers me how people dont understand and still make their judgments. Give great advice but dont realize that’s not what u need.

I don’t need to know that everything is going to be ok. Or that God isn’t going to leave me. Why?

Because I KNOW. How do u think I got this far? Hasn’t everyone thought that I just need someone to listen

Let me be sad. Mad. I know I’ll get better but let me show my true feeling for once. I don’t want to hide anymore.

Sunday. For the first time in my life. Someone sat me down and asked me for the truth. I’ve never been so free. Finally a long kept secret is now open.

The feeling was like this happy little girl who was getting abused by her parents but no one knew because she was always so happy. But one day, her teacher pulls her side and rolls up her sleeves and says “tell me what’s going on and let me help u” and all the girl can do is cry

I’ve never been abused like that but man, i feel like that feeling of joy comes close.

Crying because no one understands. Screaming on top of ur lungs “u just don’t get it”

And finally. Someone hears u.

God, you’re amazing. Every challenge i face can suck but deep down, knowing I’m not doing this alone, I find peace and happiness in the mist of everything. I’ll be just fine. I’ve always been. Thanks to u.

_getting back up_

fire kills, destroys, and burns.

standing on the ground that was once set on fire

everything looks dark. lifeless. empty. hopeless.

i don’t know where to start. 

but in the mist of everything. a new small plant is found,

trying to grow and start over again.

for now, im going to let this plant grow and pretty soon, maybe,  

the whole forest will come back to life again. 

You know better than I

You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing
I don't know is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
But faith has made it easy
To see the best thing i can do
Is to put my trust in You."

"I know you can hear me, Lord
and i pray that You would heal my world.
You're keeping me strong
As I'm standing up for You
You're keeping me strong 
As I'm following the truth
I'm never gonna back down
Give up living for You"


_recharge_

This week. All of a sudden. I lost all motivation for everything.

School especially.

I just don’t want to anything. Everything in school just lost all it’s meaning.

I think this is a sign of finally being burnt out from this month.

Ever since school started, literally. Non stop studying. Every hour I was either studying or in class. And doing that for 3 weeks straight. I finally burnt out.

This week I hope I can recharge again. Find some joy. Have some fun.

I need to get back on the motivated boat…. Lol have two midterms in the next two weeks.

Leaning on Christ for His strength. That’s what’s keeping me going each day.

how do you know

how do you know something is sin if it isn’t written in the bible?

because someone told u?

because thats what u were taught?

well. i know. that sin hurts God. and i don’t want to hurt Him.

when people sin… i wish they could see how much they are breaking His heart.

it breaks my heart to the point where i can’t help but cry on my knees, holding my heart.

imagine… how much more it hurts God… but some people really don’t care.

they don’t love Him.

and in the end, God says its ok. Its their choice.